Wow!  I log on after a few months and everything has changed!  All the menus look different, there's a summary of all the comments I've received (which I like,) but it took me a good three minutes to find where to add a blog.

 

I wasn't  going to add a blog by the way.  In fact I'm not entirely sure why I logged on at all.  Why did I stop blogging, you may ask (if you've been here before.)  Well, part of the reason is that I've not had much time.  My new business took a great deal more time than I expected, and when I get home at night, I want to sleep - not log on and write blogs.

 

I've been alright, not fantastic, and life has rushed by for a few months.  I imported my children for three weeks in early July, and the time we had together was uplifting for both them and me.  I couldn't take time off so my mother very kindly took care of them during the day.  It was a special time, but in some ways it has only served to highlight for me how much I miss them.

 

The relationship I started (and ended) earlier this year left me feeling somewhat down, not because of the relationship itself, but because of the implications of its shortness and what that means to me.  I guess the real problem is that my heart still belongs to someone else.  Recently I have made some moves towards a divorcee who seems to have much the same value system as I, and who probably needs a friend.  Unfortunately this is progressing in small fits and starts because she works at a client that I don't visit very often, and she is (understandably) a little wary of all beings male at this stage.  I've left that whole thing in God's hands, and we shall see where it goes.

 

Still, even if things go well with this potential female interest, my heart is still aching.  A dull ache it is, but an ache none-the-less.  I can't seem to put my feelings behind me, and it frustrates me no end!  How long will it take for me to heal from this wound of love?  Will I ever feel completely fine again?  I'm not terribly hopeful at this juncture.  It's been years now, and although I have times of feeling ok, I always come back down to this aching heart.

 

Anyway, for those of you who have worried about my abscence, please don't.  Another reason for my lack of writing has been that mostly my mind is on the same thing day after day, and that's self pity which you would soon grow tired of reading about!

 

So ... I feel that I've moved backwards for the last few months.  I have a spiritual life, but I am not feeling fulfilled, and even work is just sheer drudgery.  Dark sentiments these are indeed, but they are mine and I own them without guilt.