For those who wanted to know: My birthday was on the first.

 

August has been a tough month for me, and I suspect that work stress has a lot to do with it.  Usually I am able to be fairly upbeat about life in general, but when the stress gets too much I struggle a lot.

 

Still, the down times have meant that I've allocated a much higher priority to my relationship with God.  My quiet time has become an extremely important part of my day, and as Guinevere rightly points out, focusing on my relationship with my creator is where the ultimate solution lies.

 

I've just come home from a song-group practice, and then drinks with the guys afterwards.  I was actually quite pleased that they felt I was "cool" enough to invite along - I am a good 15 years older than the oldest!  Anyway, we had a good time and I am reminded of the importance of social human interaction to one's emotional well-being.  More simply put: "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!"

 

What's going on in my life right now?  Not a lot besides work actually.  Two things spring immediately to mind though:  The first is that the young girl I mentioned in a previous entry, who hooked up with the friend named Paul, has since broken up with both him and another boyfriend, and now seems reasonably interested in spending some time with me.  Second is that it looks to me like it may be time to buy a new car.  Being a South African guy, buying a car is one of life's major decisions - cars are very expensive here, so making the right choice is fairly important!

I think my modd is improving, and this evening I feel way better than I did when I last posted!  Work has been an absolute nightmare in the last few months because of impossible deadlines and huge expectations from many players.  Things don't look like slowing down for a while either, but I think I am beginning to find ways to cope with the stress.

 

One thing that I have been very grateful for is that I haven't been sick for a while.  I went onto a rather strict regimen of at least five fruits a day a few months back, and so far it looks like the discipline has been worth it!  I've managed to dodge the various colds that have gone around, and so far I am still healthy even in the midst of this huge work stress.  I am gradually getting my exercise schedule back on stream, and I guess it is helping to improve my mood as well.

 

My daily quite-time is starting to take some real form again, and this is also proving to be a very important part of my day.  My mother and brother (bless their hearts) gave me an awesome leather-bound book of devotions for my birthday, and already I'm am finding much inspiration in the words contained in it.  I guess I must admit that God has been watching over me even though I wasn't "feeling" his prescence all the time.

 

Perhaps I'm finally on the mend, although I'm not holding my breath just yet.  I think God has a lot of work to do on this humble vessel ...

Wow!  I log on after a few months and everything has changed!  All the menus look different, there's a summary of all the comments I've received (which I like,) but it took me a good three minutes to find where to add a blog.

 

I wasn't  going to add a blog by the way.  In fact I'm not entirely sure why I logged on at all.  Why did I stop blogging, you may ask (if you've been here before.)  Well, part of the reason is that I've not had much time.  My new business took a great deal more time than I expected, and when I get home at night, I want to sleep - not log on and write blogs.

 

I've been alright, not fantastic, and life has rushed by for a few months.  I imported my children for three weeks in early July, and the time we had together was uplifting for both them and me.  I couldn't take time off so my mother very kindly took care of them during the day.  It was a special time, but in some ways it has only served to highlight for me how much I miss them.

 

The relationship I started (and ended) earlier this year left me feeling somewhat down, not because of the relationship itself, but because of the implications of its shortness and what that means to me.  I guess the real problem is that my heart still belongs to someone else.  Recently I have made some moves towards a divorcee who seems to have much the same value system as I, and who probably needs a friend.  Unfortunately this is progressing in small fits and starts because she works at a client that I don't visit very often, and she is (understandably) a little wary of all beings male at this stage.  I've left that whole thing in God's hands, and we shall see where it goes.

 

Still, even if things go well with this potential female interest, my heart is still aching.  A dull ache it is, but an ache none-the-less.  I can't seem to put my feelings behind me, and it frustrates me no end!  How long will it take for me to heal from this wound of love?  Will I ever feel completely fine again?  I'm not terribly hopeful at this juncture.  It's been years now, and although I have times of feeling ok, I always come back down to this aching heart.

 

Anyway, for those of you who have worried about my abscence, please don't.  Another reason for my lack of writing has been that mostly my mind is on the same thing day after day, and that's self pity which you would soon grow tired of reading about!

 

So ... I feel that I've moved backwards for the last few months.  I have a spiritual life, but I am not feeling fulfilled, and even work is just sheer drudgery.  Dark sentiments these are indeed, but they are mine and I own them without guilt.