Stephen's profileSteve's spacePhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
April 26 Physical FrustrationI've made good progress on my fitness in the last few weeks! I've lost a couple of kilos, my waistline is diminishing, some tone is starting to show and I feel strong. Except for one thing. My right wrist has decided that it's had enough of supporting my hand, and it complains loudly when I use it too much. I had this problem recently and I visited a physio-therapist who recommended plenty of rest. That's exactly what I did, but it seems the rest wasn't enough because I'm experiencing pain again. It's really
frustrating because I was just getting going! Growing old is irritating.
On another tack altogether, I read a few blogs last night, and one struck a particular chord with me. It was written by an online friend and spoke of regrets over past actions and in-actions. I can relate whole-heartedly, in fact regret has been a hallmark of the last few days of my life. I know why it's happening as well. Every now and then I spend a few days out of regular contact with friends etc, and I get to thinking about my life as a whole. One of the things I always think of, is missed opportunities.
Today at work we had a farewell for a woman who has been around for just a few months, and has just been through a divorce. I've always admired her for her forthright and competent personality, and at times I wished that it was appropriate to spend some time getting to know her. Of course, with her getting divorced, it would be theoretically ok to express some interest. Thing is, I don't have much to do with her on a day-to-day basis, so there's never really been a good opening for me. So now she's gone. I guess that's how life goes sometimes.
April 25 A wet weekendWe're having our Alpha weekend away from Friday, and guess what? The first winter storm is due tomorrow, and rain is forecast for the whole time we are away! What an irony. Still, the campsite we are going to has fire-places, so we'll light up and be cosy together. There'll be no barbecueing of meet on Saturday eveing though. That's a shame.
A very good friend of mine has come on the current course, and his spiritual life really seems to be taking off. It's wonderful to see. When I met him I felt like he would never come around, but God moves in mysterious ways. It never ceases to amaze me.
April 24 Do you have a nemesis?I've been meaning to write an entry on this for a while now! Anyone who has read a couple of my blog entries will know that I'm not given to superstition, but having said that, there is one seemingly disturbing coincidence. Almost every time I have met a woman that I am really interested in, someone called Paul has gotten in the way.
First there was a woman who stole my heart big time, and then met and ended up with a Paul who she is still happily connected with. This first time caused me huge pain and I needed professional help to get sorted.
Then there was a charming and beautiful girl I met at a function, who was full of promises and all sorts of plans. I discovered the next week that she had a boyfriend whose name was ... Paul of course! "Well," I thought, "she'll break up with him at some point and then I'll have my chance." Yeah right. Two years later she is happily married to him with a gorgeous child.
A few weeks ago I became interested in someone much younger, and there seemed to be a mutual response. Except for a guy who stole the moment called ... yep ... Paul! A guy who just happens to be a good friend of mine, and who I am very happy for in terms of his catch. It's just that I get the raw deal. Again.
So there it is. Paul is my nemesis. If there's a Paul around, I need to watch my back.
I think the next time I meet someone who I'm even remotely interested in, I'm first going to ask if she knows Paul. If she does, she may have to be a non-starter! April 17 Sometimes Tuesdays are goodFor those who live in countries that don't play cricket (on an international scale,) the last few weeks have been seeing out the cricket world cup in the West Indies. South Africa have been up and down in their fortunes, and I've been quite frustrated watching them on occasion in the last few weeks. Today though, they showed what they can do if they put their minds to it. We absolutely trounced England, and thereby assured our spot in the semi-finals! Of course the semi's are not going to be easy. We'll face the machine which calls itself Australia next week, and we'll have to pull something extraordinary out of the bag to beat them. Still, us South Africans hold out hope that our team may take us to victory...
That wasn't the only reason this Tuesdays was good though: Various aspects of my work are coming together, and although there is a lot still to be done, I can begin to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel! It's quite a relief because there is an enormous amount to accomplish, much of it very difficult. Anyway, tonight I shall sleep well knowing that significant progress has been made.
Another good thing for me is that I've been bowling consistently better recently, so much so that my average has come up from 140 to 151. That's no mean feat in just a few weeks! I hope that my form will continue to improve as the year progresses.
Lastly - here's an interesting thing: the thermometer next to my bed reads only one degree higher than yesterday, but subjectively I feel way warmer! The day was still cool, but I don't feel even nearly as chilly as I did yesterday! Funny how one can feel such a difference from one day to the next. I wonder if my internal body temperature has something to do with it, and if so, what different temperatures might mean. Maybe someone's done a study on it... April 16 Winter beginsI'm feeling so cold today! The whole day I've been feeling this chill, and even now sitting on my bed and quite warm, I still feel this nagging sensation of coldness. I wonder if the greyness of the day has gotten under my skin?
I'm off to tenpin league in a few minutes time, and then I'll crawl into bed sometime after midnight, only to wake again at around six. I'll head off to work sometime after seven, and try to get a mountain sorted in the few short hours available. And that's just the work for the client! I still have to look into letters of appointment for the staff members of my new company (yes - it's only just getting off the ground administratively now, after a good few months.) I have to consider their salaries and think about when their next increase needs to happen.
I think administration is the thing I dislike most about life. There always seems to be something more that needs doing, and these days most things seem to need doing twice. Have you noticed that you can never phone about something just once? You always have to follow up, and very few companies I've dealth with sort your problems out on the first try. You have to keep on nagging, over and over again. I even bought underware the other, carefully selected from the medium rack, only to find that it was extra large when I got around to unpacking it the next day! So now I have to go back to exchange it - like I have time for that. hen did packing stuff on the right shelf go out of fashion?
This leads me to my next rant. have you noticed how the large supermarkets move their stuff around from time to time? Their logic indicates that you'll see more things to buy if you have to search, and that's fine ... if you aren't in a hurry. I'm always in a hurry! Shopping is something I get done as quickly as possible so I can get on with life's important things. I'm not interested in some new, usually useless gimmick someone wants me to try out. If it's any good, someone will tell me about it, and then I'll buy one!
I reckon all this "in your face" advertising is finally getting to me. I'm so sick of being asked to buy something everywhere I turn. Marketers should take note and start asking themselves how much product they'll sell if they keep irritating people. I'm pretty sure I've missed a few things I might really have wanted because I make a point of not looking at everything that's shoved in my face, and not going to the fifty second sale this season by some clothing store!
Mmmm, seems I've gone off on a anti-advertising tangent, and I've run out of time... April 13 Now I know whyI know why I've been feeling down. Usually I shrug off all the nagging doubts that plague me from day to day, after all they're just noise generated inside my own head. The reason they've been getting airtime is that I've been coming down with a cold! It struck with full force yesterday in the afternoon, forcing me into retreat to the relative comfort of my bed. I had a miserable night, and I can't say I felt much better this morning.
Fortunately for me, I can do a full day's work by logging in to my work machine from home, so I sat in the sun which streamed through the window in my bedroom, with my laptop on my lap and trudged through the day's work. I'm always amazed at how much more work I get through when I'm undisturbed at home! Makes me wonder why I don't do it more often!
So here I am on Friday evening, not going anywhere because although I've recovered quite a lot, I'm by no means better. Still, better that I get this over with as soon as possible by getting all the rest I need. The memory of being ill for an extended period last year is still fresh in my mind. I don't want to go through that again!
This weekend is going to be one of work mostly. I've been asked to complete a body of work over and above what I can acheive during my ordinary work day, and although I usually turn this kind of thing down, they are desperate and will pay top dollar for it. So I guess it's partly because I'm a nice guy and partly because the money will be welcome! Anyway, regardless of the reasons, it's to the grindstone for me tomorrow.
Bear with me if you're reading all my blogs, usually it takes a little while for the inspiration to strike. In the meantime I just write whatever's on my mind...
April 11 Down, but not for longSometimes I go through bad patches. The last few days I have felt down, and the big question I've kept asking myself is why? This is the perplexing thing about it - there is no real reason why I should be feeling down. Life is running smoothly enough. Most things are on track. The only difference I can put my finger on is that I seem to be going through a minor cold. It isn't a bad cold though, and I know this for certain because I've had no trouble exercising in the last few days.
The weather has changed some - perhaps that's it. We're in the middle of our first winter cold front, and there's been some rain and a chilly breeze. The strange things is that I actually enjoy the occasional grey day! I was pleased to have some protection from the sun today, especially after the harsh summer we've just been through.
Anyway, this afternoon I completed a section of work which has been on my mind for some time now, and I'm somewhat relieved that the main part is completed. There is much to do still, but most of it is fixing the glitches and polishing the final product. This evening was also Alpha evening, and I came away from it feeling refreshed, even though I have to lead a group there. I guess in the context of eternity, my mood has very little to do with anything, and this fact in itself has already got me feeling better!
God is gracious in the way that He sends you support when you need it. People at work seem to have been extra understanding in the last two days, and I received an email from a friend which also lifted my spirits. So I guess I'm feeling considerably better than I did earlier today...
Where to from here? Well, I guess I'll take tomorrow as it comes. Hopefully I'll have renewed enthusiasm for my current work tasks, now that I've broken the back of them, and who knows what other serendipities will come my way tomorrow!
April 09 Sometimes I wishSometimes I wish that I could be a better sportsman. If I could just play cricket naturally and easliy like my friends. If I could just save goals for my team on the soccer field. But this just isn't one of my strong points. What little skill I have is hard won with much practice.
Sometimes I wish that I was better at organising things. I would love to get everything sorted out and running like a well-oiled machine in my home. Right now my ironing isn't done, the dryer still contains a load of washing, there's a security gate that needs fitting, and the dust is already gathering since I last vaccuumed - and this is the end of the weekend! This is when everthing should be ship-shape and ready for the work week.
Sometimes I wish that I had discovered the gym when I was much younger. Every time I get into a good routine, I get an injury and I have to rest and start over. My body just doesn't respond the way my mind wants it to.
Sometimes I wish that work could just "go away" for two months. I take breaks but they are never long enough! When I was at school and college, I used to be dying to get back to it by the end of the vacation. That never happens anymore.
April 02 Of wisdom and getting old...I hinted in my catch-up blog recently that I might expand on some areas. This is the first. I've been meaning to take time out to reflect on my romantic life, (and often lack thereof,) so I'm going to spend a little time on it now.
I've mentioned a long time ago about having had a thing for a work colleague, and I'm very glad to say that I'm completely over it! I think having had a girlfriend for a few months has done wonders for my self-esteem, and I'm now feeling much more confident about myself altogether. I still find said colleague attractive, but no more so than any number of other colleagues in my workplace. I've noticed many people around me struggling through divorces since I went through mine, and I ache for what they must be going through. These are all good people, and it's sad that so many of us can't keep a marriage together. Enough about that.
Recently we've had a young, attractive addition to our bowling league fraternity, and I couldn't help but admire her beauty, along with every other male there I'm sure! The thing is, she just happens to be the daughter of one of my team mates, and so my admiration has been kept somewhat discreet! Imagine my surprise when I receive an invitation to drinks at their place last week Friday! Many things went through my mind in the days leading up to the event, and I couldn't help but wonder whether her parents weren't trying to get a match going. All the more so considering that there is quite a large age gap between us.
Anyway, I went to off to the evening, and discovered that another, much younger, team mate of mine was also there! After drinks, us "young" ones went out on the town, and suddenly everything began to make sense. I think my role was one of unobstrusive chaperone, or at least that's my take on it. I was somewhat disappointed, although not majorly so because I had never really believed there could be anything anyway.
And here I am thinking all this, fresh out of a relationship and vowing not to get involved again any time soon! Sometimes I wonder where my emotions are trying to take me. Nowhere good by the look of things. It's been said that you should trust your heart, but I'm not convinced. My heart seems to like to take me to places where I will experience hurt, so I'm moving more and more towards cool, calm decision making using facts as much as possible. Does this make me a heartless cynic? I don't think so.
On reflection though, it may be that my current state of being is all part of my maturing process. I'm learning that my emotions can be dangerously unstable, and they will oscillate from one extreme to another if I don't impose logical, deductive reasoning on them. So perhaps this is what growing wise is about. Perhaps it's about getting to know what you like, getting to know what you don't like, and learning not to worry about what anyone else might think about it. I still do a lot of people pleasing, but I'd like to think I'm progressing toward a state where I will always be myself, and those who like me that way will stick around.
One last thing, thank you Weimie Girl for your kind comments! It's wonderful to know that I have online friends who are interested in what is happening with me. You have become a firm friend.
|
|
|
